Ye

Pyro: [Rocket hits Pyro, who is gibbed.] “Ow!”

[Cut to BLU Demoman taking a drink, also getting blown up by a Crit rocket from off screen.]

[Cut to BLU Heavy performing the Showdown taunt.]

Heavy: “Pow!” [Explodes, presumably by a third Crit rocket]

[“Meet the Soldier” text appears.]

[Cut to the Soldier, drilling what appears to be a line of recruits.]

Soldier: “If fighting is sure to result in victory, then you must fight! Sun Tzu said that, and I’d say he knows a little more [He pokes a recruits’ helmet] about fighting than you do, pal, because he invented it, and then he perfected it so that no living man could best him in the ring of honor.”

[The Art of War plays]

[Cut to the Soldier holding his Shovel and screaming.]

[The Soldier then charges the final capture point in Granary with his Shotgun and kills a Demoman, who fires at him but misses. He switches to his Rocket Launcher and a BLU Medic appears behind him, firing syringes.]

RED Demoman: “To the left!”

Soldier: “Maggots!”

[The Soldier turns to the left and fires a Crit rocket at the Medic, gibbing him.]

RED Sniper: “Right up! Right up!”

RED Heavy: “Go, go, go!”

[The Soldier, Sniper and Heavy charge into battle together, as explosions occur all around them.]

[Cut back to the Soldier’s drill. Music pauses.]

Soldier: “Then, he used his fight money…

[The Soldier unhooks two grenades from his belt, one in each hand.]

Soldier: …to buy two of every animal on earth, and then he herded them onto a boat…

[The Soldier demonstrates by using the grenades, moving them in a walking motion.]

Soldier: …and then he beat the crap out of every single one.”

[The Soldier bangs the two grenades together repeatedly.]

[Cut back to battle scene. Music resumes.]

RED Scout: (Behind cover) “Sentry up there!”

[The Soldier runs up to the Sentry gun and rocket jumps onto a pipe, both destroying the Sentry and killing the Engineer in the process.]

[A BLU Heavy and Pyro are holding the final capture point. The Heavy is laughing gleefully. The Soldier jumps downward, firing a Critical rocket that lands just before he does. The explosion kills both the Heavy and Pyro. A Spy uncloaks and attempts to backstab the Soldier, but the Soldier pulls out his Shovel, swiftly knocking out the Spy with it.]

[Freeze frame]

[Cut back to the Soldiers drill]

Soldier: [Laughs to himself] “And from that day forward any time a bunch of animals are together in one place it’s called a ‘zoo’!”

[Crickets chirp as the ‘recruits’ are revealed to be the Gibbed heads of BLU team members perched on a gate, all wearing BLU Soldier helmets. The Medic’s head falls off the gate.]

[Team Fortress 2 ending flourish music plays.]

Soldier: [To the Medic’s head] “Unless it’s a farm!”

Um, I don’t even know where to start with you. I mean, do you even know who you’re talking to?

Yo, what’s up?

Do you have any idea? Any idea, who I am?

Basically, kind of a big deal.

Oh, man, that’s beautiful.

Are you listening? Okay. Grass grows, birds fly, sun shines, and brother; I hurt people.

BOINK!

I’m a Force of Nature.

BONK!

If you were from, where I was from, you’d be fucking dead!

WOO!

I am Heavy Weapons Guy… and THIS… Is my weapon. She weighs 150 kilograms and fires $200 custom tool cartridges at 10000 round per minute… It costs $400000 to fire this weapon… for twelve seconds.
*Laughter*

Oh my god, who touched Sasha? Alright… WHO TOUCHED MY GUN!?

Some people think they can outsmart me… *sniff* maybe… *sniff* maybe… I have yet to meet one who can outsmart bullet…

WE GOTTA PROTECT THE BREFCASE!

What makes me a good demo man? If I were a bad demo man, I wouldn’t be here discussing it with ya now should I? One crossed wire, one wayward pinch of potassium chloride, 1 twitch, And KABLOOEY! Ohh I’m a black scottish Cyclopes, they got more beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep than they got the likes of me. So! You fine dandys so proud, so cock sure, prancing aboot with your head full of eyeballs! Come And get me I say, I’ll be waitin on ya! I’m a grim bloody fable with a bloody unhappy head! Ahh ha ha ha! Ohh they gonna have to glue you back together…. IN HELL!!!